For the past month I have been thinking about the meeting that was scheduled today for Lillian at school to discuss her placement for kindergarten.  Everyday I would play it in my head what I wanted to ask, what I wanted to bring up, what I wanted to suggest, etc.  It was weird how obsessed I was with it especially since it was not the first IEP meeting I had gone to.  Since Melodie was 4 I have been going to IEP meetings but this time it just felt different.  It was different because I felt like I needed to fix the regret I have been carrying with me.  I know it’s not good to have regret with anything in life but this is something that has been bothering me for years now.  When Melodie was 4 we got her into a pre-k program at school that we fell in love with that provided her the learning environment that she needed.  She learned so much thanks to the group of teachers that worked with her and her typical peers that motivated her.  I felt like I had gained a family that was an advocate of my child with me.  They wanted what was best for her and gave me the support I needed in times of stress as you watch your child struggle in school.  At the time that Melodie was ready to transition to kindergarten I was afraid that putting her in general education would completely shut her down and I felt that she would get so lost in the curriculum.  I was afraid to see her hurt, stressed, crying, etc…I wanted to protect her and felt that an ESE class would benefit her the most.  In the back of my head I thought she will eventually catch up and join her typical peers in the general education classes, what parent doesn’t wish that for their kids.  She has been in the ESE classes since kindergarten and though the years I have met some of the most amazing teachers, therapists, students, aids, etc.  I love them all as if they were my family but I won’t lie each day that goes by I regret not “trying” general education kindergarten with her.  Deep down I think I am pretty sure it would have overwhelmed her but that silly “what if” won’t escape my head.  Every year she makes amazing progress and everyone that has been involved in her education deserves the world and there is not enough words I could say to express my gratitude for them.

Today I felt that I needed to speak up in the meeting and express how I felt.  As we went through each of the results for Lillian, I could see that her scores all pointed to her needing to be placed in ESE classes as well.  That moment came when they asked me if I had any questions about the results and the words I had been practicing for the last month rolled out and the tears rolled down my face.  All of a sudden everyone was scrambling for tissues and I could see the empathy in each of their eyes.  They listened to me and actually heard what I was saying.  They stood behind me 100% and right there the meeting changed into modifying her IEP goals for general education kindergarten.  It felt amazing to not be alone in my desire and to have them all support me in the decision I had made.  They spend 2.5 hours in discussing just my child, this is something they do for each of their students!  The passion they have for their jobs is seen on a daily basis.  I feel like I owe so much to them for all that they have done for Melodie and Lillian over the years.

This post is dedicated to the family I have gained at the school and I like to call them my Angels!

I know I made the right decision today…