The subject for today is teaching others how to cope with everyday life.

This is a tricky subject because what I use to cope with my life may not necessarily help someone else.  But I think if we look at the bigger picture the concept can be shared.  I wouldn’t say I am in any shape or form an expert on this subject but I try and do my best.

I am a strong believer that things in life happen for a reason.  I have also accepted that sometimes you don’t know why immediately and honestly sometimes you may never find out.  It hasn’t been easy believing this or accepting this over the past 12-13 years.  I have been faced with many events in my life from miscarriages to a divorce and I could have very easily just given up on life.  I could have thrown in the towel and given up hope in everything and everyone but everybody experiences pain.  Life would not be the same if you didn’t experience unpleasant events at some point in your life.  It teaches us lessons and makes us stronger.

Growing up I saw my parents go through so much and to this day I am so grateful for what they did.  The courage it took for them to leave their lives behind in Iran and move to America with two young kids, not speaking English and starting from scratch is beyond words.  Leaving behind all their possessions and the life they had built for themselves.  This taught me a very valuable lesson in that life is not always easy but you do what you need to and can to make the best of it.

I was fortunate to be surrounded by love growing up and have fond memories of being around family.  I didn’t experience pain and suffering and lived a pretty stress free life.  I didn’t really experience true pain until later in life.  I am talking true pain and not your first boyfriend breaking up with you or your best friend talking behind your back.  Not petty pain but feeling like you want to go into a hole and never come out.  When I was pregnant with Melodie I found out toward the end of my pregnancy that she could potentially have a syndrome and that made me feel upset, sad, angry, confused, scared, etc.  I remember I kept asking why is this happening to me?  What did I do to deserve this stress?  Why couldn’t I just have a healthy baby?  It was a downward spiral of why questions and negative thoughts.  After a few weeks I snapped out of it and went into research mode and prepared myself for her possibly having this syndrome and dealing with it.  When the true diagnosis of her having Beckwith Wiedemann Syndrome was confirmed after birth I was prepared.  Holding her in my arms that first time I immediately knew that I would have to be extra strong for her and be her cheerleader.  I joined support groups for BWS and shared stories and questions with other families that were dealing with the same things.  Seeing that I was not alone in this journey was a blessing and it made me realize this isn’t so bad.  I quickly learned that I had to be positive and accept that she had the syndrome and be okay with all the appointments, lab work, ultrasounds, surgeries, etc.  Not once was it easy to watch your baby cry as they poked her or pushed her stomach or put her to sleep for a procedure but at the end everything always turned out fine.  When Lillian was born with the same syndrome I knew that I could do it all over again.  I knew that I had to be extra strong for the both of them and show them that everything will always turn out fine.  Day to day has been hard at times but I feel like with them always getting checked out I have the advantage of always knowing what is going on with their health.  I think all of it is making us stronger in life and I think I got these babies because some other mom may have not shown this much love and care for them.  So keeping a positive outlook is how I have coped with it.

The next event that caused me much heartache is my divorce and not because of me and what would happen to me but the decision I had to make for Melodie and Lillian.  It was no longer about just me and I had to make sure I was doing what was best for them.  I knew that saving a marriage just because you have kids was not an option and felt that would be teaching them all the wrong lessons had I chosen that route.  As hard as it was in the beginning I know that I made the right decision and once again had to be strong for them and show them that everything was going to be okay.  Initially I coped with it by saving my stress and sadness for when I didn’t have them and made sure my time with them was all about them.  It was hard being away from them when they were gone and it was definitely an adjustment but I slowly realized that the time I had to myself I could get everything I needed to get done and recharge myself to be with them again.  I could give them my full attention without having to worry about things I needed to get done around the house.  During my alone time it gave me lots of time to reflect on everything that had happened and I realized it was okay to be selfish sometimes and do things that make you happy.  As silly as it sounds I used to (and sometimes still do) feel guilty if I am having fun without the girls.

After these major events in my life I realize the important things in life and all the smaller day to day struggles almost seem silly.  I know I am allowed to have bad days but I don’t let them last for long.  That is how I cope with things more at a mental level but then I also think it is important to do things that help reduce the struggles in your life.  Again these are things that work for me but may not necessarily work for you:

1. Exercise, I try to do 30 minutes each day
2. Treating myself to a pedicure once a month
3. Treating myself to a delicious treat once a week (I confess sometimes it is more than once 🙂 )
4. Taking long walks when it’s not raining nonstop haha
5. Watching mindless shows such as cheesy Hallmark movies or silly reality shows
6. Sitting in silence
7. Music, music and more music…I could not live without music
8. Writing in this blog
9. Drawing or Painting
10. Being around family
11. Cleaning and organizing (Don’t ask me why)
12. Crying because sometimes you just need to get it out
13. Lots of giggles with Melodie & Lillian

Coping with pain or stress or any struggle in life has been a learning process.  Sometimes it takes extreme situations to teach us this.  The important thing is to realize that life is not easy and things will happen and you will not like some of the things but how you react to it is what is important.  Coping is putting things into a positive light and trying to make the best of the situation.  Coping is making sure you get closure on things and not dwell on what happened.  Sometimes we take for granted what we have and instead of focusing on what we have we focus on what is wrong with what we have.  I have two girls that have medical issues but there are some people out there that can’t have kids.  I am living a single mom life but there are some single moms out there that have no family and are living in poverty.  I am living in an apartment with annoying neighbors but there are some people that don’t have a roof on top of their heads.

Take lots of deep breaths and find something that makes you happy.  Focus on the positives and don’t let negativity rule your life…