I had hopes for a good start in 2014 or just this week alone and maybe I was too hopeful and that is why I am so let down.  Things took a turn Saturday night and just didn’t turn back.  Things took a turn into this unwanted alley that sucks the life out of you.  This alley is dark and scary and hypnotizes you into thinking that the words that it’s walls shout are true and the words get implanted into your brain.

I know before I had kids I would hear other moms talk about their kids and the kind of things they would say.  I remember hearing them talk about how their kids would say “I hate you” or “go away” or “I don’t want to see you”.  Back then I would look at them not being a mom and tell them I am sure they don’t mean it and think that was enough to make them feel better.  Little did I know that when I turned into a mom myself and when I started hearing those same words that it would feel like someone is stabbing me in the heart.  No matter how many times I told myself she doesn’t mean it, she is just having a rough morning…the words just kept playing over and over in my head getting louder and louder and louder…

I know I can’t let this consume me but sometimes I wish I could really tell my girls everything there is to know about life.  I wish I could say everything the way it is and everything that I thought about life and what it is instead.  I know little by little they will learn these things as they get older.  There is a lot of hurt behind those words and they are not ready for that yet…