Date
August 26, 2004
Location
Advanced Ultrasound Services
Feelings
Before – Excited, Anxious, Curious, Happy
During – Happy, Astonished, Amazed, Nervous
After – Nervous, Worried

When I told people that I was doing a 3-D sonogram many people said, “Oh, why would you do that, takes the surprise away” or they said, “Oh it’s a waste of money!”  I didn’t think anything of their comments and I went ahead with it.  It was a very exciting moment for me to see the little girl that was growing in my belly and I thought it would be a great thing to pass on to her when she got older; for her to see herself inside the womb.  I was so amazed at the first image she showed us; could not believe how detailed and clear the images were.  The images and video continued and then it was time for the thorough screening of the baby.  Things were looking good and then I will never forget the words and confusion on her face when she said, “Her kidneys look very large” as she stared and stared and said she was going to send the information to my doctor.  Of course as a first time mom anything you hear besides it’s a girl, she has 10 fingers and 10 toes causes you to go into panic.  After those words I don’t remember much about the appointment.  I tried to come up with all kinds of scenarios as to why her kidneys were large:  ‘Her dad is a tall guy so why wouldn’t she have enlarged kidneys?’, ‘My due date is not accurate and I am further along than they estimated’, ‘This technician doesn’t know what she is talking about, I will just wait to see what the doctor says…’

Date
July 26, 2008
Location
Advanced Ultrasound Services
Feelings
Before – Excited, Anxious, Curious, Happy
During – Happy, Astonished, Amazed, Nervous
After – Nervous, Worried

Almost exactly 4 years later and those same words that I hoped I would not hear…feelings I hoped I would not feel…

Almost 10 years have passed since I took on a second profession as a “doctor”.  Hours and hours of research on the internet before my first child was even born actually turned out to be the correct diagnosis.  I was always weary of going on the internet to search for medical diagnosis but when it is your own child as a first time parent you can’t help but to start searching.  Luckily for me my research was a blessing as not many doctors had even heard of this syndrome.  I could tell when doctors were just talking to make me feel better about waiting 2 hours in the waiting room and then leaving the office after a 5 minute visit.  The internet has become my support to find other families that are going through the same battles, stress, celebrations, etc.  Going through it all over again with your second child doesn’t make it any better but it definitely helps in knowing what to expect.

In the beginning I was very angry.  I would see moms that didn’t take care of themselves having completely healthy children and it would send me into this internal rage.  I didn’t think it was fair but pretty quickly I realized that those kids are only born healthy.  The life they live most often is filled with emotional and mental stress.  Most of those poor kids would never know the love that I would be providing to my girls…

Even if those words frequently linger in the back of my head they will never make me forget that life is what you make it.  You could sit around and mourn about those words or you could take the situation and make the best of it.  Life is meant to be enjoyed each and every day as you never know what is in store for you the next day…